MOM MATTERS: My First Failure as a Mom

Right from the start of my pregnancy, I wanted to be able to breastfeed. As I've said in my previous blogs, I wanted to breastfeed because of its so many advantages and benefits not only for my baby but for myself as well. I even attended a seminar on breastfeeding because that is how much I was determined to breastfeed.

But I failed.

I admit that when my son turned one month, I started giving him formula already. It was half hearted. At the back of my mind, I was hesitant to do it. I did not want to give up breastfeeding but I had to.I had no problem with milk supply, (one of the reasons why I was half hearted to stop) but was suffering from plugged ducts and blisters. It was too painful.  I was even at the point of rejecting my baby because of too much pain. They said breastfeeding did not have to be painful so I knew that something isn't right with what  me and my baby were doing. I tried, I would say I really tried. I read everything I could put my hands on about breastfeeding, tried all sorts of solutions, but nothing seem to work. The pain was getting worse and worse. 

That one morning I decided to give my son formula, is the day that I failed him. I felt guilty, knowing that he would have been better with breast milk. I was guilty because it would mean a huge part of our budget would go to buying milk. But more than guilt, I felt weak. I felt I was not strong enough to endure the pain for my child. 

I felt like a failure. It was as if I could not take the inconveniences or pain of what could have brought more benefit for my son, and that I was not worthy to be called Mom.

Then, after feeling like a big fat failure, I came across an article online (which I couldn't find now) that talked about giving up on breastfeeding and that mothers who formula feed their children are not bad parents. Whew! I knew that parents who formula fed aren't bad parents, but that was what I felt about me. The article validated my feeling of guilt but also affirmed what I have done for my kid for 1 month. What truly caught my attention in that article is that every mother who breastfed or breastfeed their children are a success. Regardless of how short or long it is as long as one breastfeeds is an achievement. It said that mothers should not be too hard on themselves, what with all the responsibilities they have. I realized its indeed true, I had my reason for giving up on breastfeeding but it does not make me a bad parent. Being a parent is more than just breastfeeding.

Though, I still feel a little disappointed for not having breastfeed my son, I promise that if blessed with another child, I would be more prepared and ready to breastfeed. 

MOM MATTERS: Breastfeeding is Best Feeding

I attended a Breastfeeding and Lactation Workshop yesterday, August 14, at Capitol Medical Center, Quezon City. I was encouraged by my OB-GYNE to attend it as she also wanted me to breastfeed my would be son. It was really a blessing because my husband and I really wanted to breastfeed as it has so many advantages. I was not really into breastfeeding or I didn't like the thought of it when I was still single. I felt it was awkward, uncomfortable, and just weird. Especially as I didn't know anyone personally who does it. I always see people breastfeeding in jeepneys, streets and even in malls. But all that changed when my cousin, breastfed her son, and is still breastfeeding until now. Her son's already more than 1 year old. Through her, I learned of the positive effects of breastfeeding. One of which was it's very economical. I have three other nieces and nephews, all of them drink milk formula and I know how expensive it is. It was really one of the main reason why I wanted to breastfeed. Little did I know, that I would get a lot more if I do breastfeed.

Freebies from the seminar

When we arrived in Capitol Medical Center, we were a little surprise because most of the participants were doctors, and hospital personnel. Although, the workshop was for medical practitioners, we were still accommodated. They even gave us freebies.

The morning session was about the benefits of breastfeeding, proper breast care and expressing milk. The afternoon session was for clinical and hospital personnel and the practice of breastfeeding in private hospitals.  Two speakers from Fabella Hospital talked about the benefits of breastfeeding and the methods of expressing breastmilk. They are Manang Norma and Manang Melba, they are both mid wives. They shared that in Fabella there are about 147 deliveries in 24 hours. Imagine how many children are born every hour in Fabella. So I knew, that these speakers were really experts in their field. It made the seminar a lot more interesting for me.

Registration Area at the Auditorium of Capitol Medical Center

First topic was about the benefits of breastfeeding. I summarized them as follows:

1. Protection from diseases and allergies.

2. Good family planning method

3. Breastmilk has a lot of vitamins and minerals that is good for the baby. 

4. Reduces the risk of breast cancer

5. It helps for losing weight

6. Readily available

7. Children that are breastfed do not usually become sickly.

8. Bonding for both mother and child. 

9. Protects from infection and anemia

10. Very convenient because it does not need any equipment.

These ten benefits of breastfeeding, all the more made me an advocate for it. I realized that it is nature's way of caring for our little ones. It's also God's miracle that we are able to feed our children from our own bodies. As Manang Melba said, "Ang Gatas ng Tao, para sa tao" and I totally agree. But just like any other first time mom, I had apprehensions on breastfeeding. Many questions were actually running through my head like what if I can't produce milk for my baby, how do I start breastfeeding, and how long should I be doing it?
Luckily, all of this has been answered.

How to start breastfeeding?

Manang Norma said that first and foremost important in breastfeeding, is a mother's state of mind and willingness. She said that it's very important for first time moms to decide and stand on that decision to breastfeed. She said that it is best that new moms think that it is the only for them to feed their child so they must do it. She also said that it is very important that a mom's build their confidence in breastfeeding. It is important that a first time mom gets the support necessary from her husband and other family members. She also emphasized that doctors should also be able to talk to their patients about their issues or concern with breastfeeding. This will help clear any misconceptions about breastfeeding and help them reinforce the decision to breastfeed.

I'll also share some of the Frequently Asked Questions about breastfeeding that was discussed in the seminar:

1. What if my breasts are small? Will it produce enough milk for my baby?

According to the speakers, the size and shape of the breasts does not matter. As long as the mom is willing to breastfeed, it will produce the necessary milk needed.

2. I have inverted nipples, how do I express milk from them?

Inverted nipples according to the speakers are easy to deal with. They use different syringe that acts as suction to pull out the inverted nipples. Another tip given was the Hoffman's Technique or Exercise. It's a very simple exercise to do with inverted nipples to let it pop out. Dra. Blancaflor, shared this simple exercise, a breastfeeding expert who breastfed all her seven children. She said you just need to pull the outwards from the sides until the nipple pop out. One other method is to let your husband pull out the nipples thru his tongue. Although, this is not very much recommended as it may initiate premature labor.

Manang Norma showing a 15 cc syringe used to express milk

Manang Norma showing a 20 cc syringe

3. What if I'm working or studying, can I still breastfeed?

Yes, there are ways to express and store breastmilk so working moms can still do it. A mother can pump and store milk in the freezer and heat it up when needed.

4. What if the baby does not breastfeed for the first time? What methods can be used?

If there is a difficulty in breastfeeding for the first time, a cup feeding method is used. This is when a baby is fed with milk through a medicinal cup. Holding the baby like a football (please see picture), milk will be given to the baby using a cup at the back of its tongue. This is done to prevent the baby from choking. Another method is using a syringe where the milk is flowed from the syringe to the breast until the baby finds his/her mom's breast.

Manang Melba showing how to cup feed a newborn baby

5. What if I do not produce enough milk?

Manang Norma and Manang Melba are also lactation experts. They shared and demo lactation massages that they do to help first time mom produce milk.

Lactation Massage 101:
1. Clear mindset and accepting heart to breastfeed
2. Massage different points:

   a. HEAD: middle points, pituitary, in a downward stroke, from the temples and release

   b. ARMS: Inward strokes

   c. SHOULDERS: Outward strokes
   d. BACK: Spinal cord in downward strokes
3. Note that breasts are not touched when doing the lactation massages


Another way to produce more milk is to take malunggay supplements or eat anything with malunggay. They also shared one recipe which is to boil malunggay leaves with pinch of salt and drink it. It helps in lactation and has a lot of other benefits.

6. How to clean nipples/breasts properly?

They also discussed about the proper nipple care when breastfeeding. It is important to hand wash the breast, and make sure not to use soap for the nipples. It is also advisable to use just water and a cotton and sterile gauze to properly clean it.

7. How to properly carry the baby while breastfeeding?

Demo on carrying the baby called the Football hold

1. No pain for the mother
2. Chin is closest to the breast
3. Sucks without stimulation
4. Baby has full cheeks
5. Facing the mother
6. Well attached to the chest
7. Supported by the mother's arms

We left after the morning session because the afternoon was directed more for hospital staff and medical people. We learned a lot from it and has helped me and my husband to be more confident in breastfeeding our son. I am now a full pledge advocate for breastfeeding and I hope I'd be able to successfully do it. Wish me luck!:)

If you ever need a lactation expert, you may contact Manang Norma and Manang Melba at 0908 123 3264. They can go to your hospital to have a lactation massage and breastfeeding session.

MOM MATTERS: Hospital Essentials for the First Time Mom

Yes, I am indeed excited. Excited and nervous at the same time. Excited to finally meet my son and nervous anticipating the pain I'm about to experience. I'll be on my 36th week this Saturday, and since April I have been thinking and preparing for the stuff I would bring for my baby,my husband, and me. I already have two bags full in our room just in case I'll be giving birth. It's a lot less stressful if for me to have things prepared ahead of time already, so I would only focus on my breathing during labor. (HAHA!):)

So, I've asked around some Moms I know and the essentials they brought in the hospital. Here is a list of items they brought in the hospital. I categorized it to for the Baby, for Mommy, for Daddy, and important documents.

Photo taken by the blogger

Photo is taken from Google search and is not owned by the blogger

Photo is taken from Google search and is not owned by the blogger

Documents to bring are:

SSS Records

PHILHEALTH Records

Medical or Hospital records

HMO documents if any

Identification cards

ATM and credit cards

I hope these list of essentials would be all that we'll need in the hospital. I'm sure first time moms, and other Moms out there have other ideas, maybe you can them with me so I could prepare them as well. Thanks and let's enjoy our pregnancy!:) 

MOM MATTERS: From a Lady to a Mother

Today is my 32nd week into the pregnancy. Until now, I could not really believe that I am about to become a mother to a beautiful little boy. I have always been fond of children, but have always been nervous of raising one of my own. It is because for one, I am a kid myself and I'm afraid I wouldn't have the patience to raise him in the long run. Unlike, of course, when I am taking care of my nieces and nephews I could easily give up because they have their own parents who would end up taking care of them when I no longer can.These have been my fears but I am still hopeful that I can be the best mom for my son. 

But what is more overwhelming me, though, is my excitement. I am so thrilled to see my son, how he looks like, smells like and  sounds like. Yes, I am also looking forward to hear him cry. (but I won't do it intentionally.:)) I am excited to be a mom, to have a purpose to wake up in the morning, or evening or anytime of the day. To clothe him in his cute, little clothes. To read to him storybooks I've been saving since 2010, and to make a scrapbook of his life. 

I am sure it will be challenging, frustrating, and tiring. But for all these, I am ready to take it. From what I've heard, being a mom, is fulfilling, and priceless. I wouldn't know it yet but I am looking forward to discovering it.  

  In my 9 month journey in the pregnancy, I loved to take pictures of my son already. I wanted him and I to always remember how we looked like before he was born. For the first trimester of the pregnancy, I could not really believe that I was pregnant because I did not have the symptoms most pregnant women felt. 

All I felt was acid in my stomach which made eating a little difficult for me. I lost ten pounds during the first trimester. But when the second trimester came, I was back to my usual self in terms of eating. I actually was eating a lot more than normal. It was fun because my tummy was becoming bigger and I could see the difference in my physique already. It meant wider hips, and bigger arms and other things that becomes big. =) 

And now I am on my third trimester, its funny how I would actually stare in my tummy to see it move. I did also try to take a video of it but he would always tease me and not move while I record it. It is also during this time that I would feel like he's stretching, kicking, and swimming inside me. IT IS SUCH A GREAT FEELING. I would say these are the moments, men would never understand. 

Here are my snapshots from December to June. Haven't taken a picture of myself this July cause it's just the start of the month. 

(From left to right) 

December 2012: Didn't know I was pregnant during our friend's wedding

January 2013: Birthday celebration at Kamameshi House (sorry for the picture)

February 2013: College graduation. I attended as a faculty.

March 2013: Training at Tagaytay

April 2013: Gawad Sinagtala in CSB

May 2013: Yes, I was 6 months in the pregnancy when I got married.:)

June 2013: Honeymoon at Bellevue

It feels like time flies too fast. Literally fast. I am actually torn between being happy and sad. I am sad that this little cute boy is about to leave my tummy in two months time because I would love for him to stay with me longer but I know its not possible and it could be dangerous. Happy, that finally, I am going to meet my little bundle of joy. My soon to be friend, playmate, and son.:)

Looking forward to my Mommy adventures and misadventures!!!:) 

MEMOIRS OF A BLOGGER: Metamorphosis

Looking back when I started this blog, I realized that I have encapsulated my progress as a person. I started this blog because a friend of mine, KC Co, influenced me to do so. I remembered during those times in college I didn’t have an internet connection so the only chance I could blog was during our breaks in school. I would often blog only about my “non-existent’ love life. It was all about those personal dramas and angst I had during my teenager years. It was in 2005 that I was introduced to blogging. The birth of magicspaceship.blogspot.com.

2005:16 entries

During those times I didn’t have internet connection I would often write down my thoughts on paper and edit it in the computer whenever I get the chance to go online. I had 16 entries during that year. I wrote about anything under the sun that I felt was worth writing. Aside from love life, I also wrote about books I have read, hobbies I do, and friendships I had. I only had one constant reader in my blog and that was the same person who got me into blogging.

Though I didn’t get too much audience in my blog, it really didn’t affect me as much because I treated it as my online diary. When I was a little kid I had a lot of diaries/journal so it wasn’t really new to me. Online blogging only taught me to sensor what I say, not to disclose too much, and to write in a more creative way. (I think.)

2006:1 entry

Sadly, year 2006 only got 1 entry into my blog site. It was entitled Spur of the Moment. I feel this is one of the most emotional blog entries I have written. Would you have guessed? It has something to do with my love life. Again, my non-existent love life.

2007: 18 entries

Year 2007 marked my “young professional” blog entries. It was during this time that I had a lot of uncertainties in terms of my career, or should I say, work at that time. I couldn’t consider it as a career yet, as I wasn’t really sure what career I wanted to take. To put into context, I was working as a part time teacher and a congress secretariat for a Chastity conference. It was also during this period that I shared other blogs or articles I’ve read. The greatest lesson I got from this year was that there are a lot of different types of people in the corporate world. People who would appreciate what you do, sees your potential while there are people who would underestimate your capacities, treat you as lowly subordinates and judged you by the school you went to. I am glad I had that experience cause from that day forward I knew who I will never be if I became of higher position.

But of course, this year would not be complete without my love entries. Although, unfortunately, it was about bitter love, being taken for granted, being the other woman, and not being committed on.

2008: 3 entries

This year I only had 3 entries. Two of it was reminiscing about my college days and one entry was my first attempt to write a review on a site. I can’t really remember so much about this year so let’s just move on to 2009.

2009: 19 entries

I couldn’t really summarize this year for my blog site. Reading them again now, makes me think I was really looking for something deeper during this year. Most of my blogs were about sadness. I couldn’t really remember why. I was in a long term relationship during this year and was already teaching. What I truly realized in this year was that I learned my passion, and that is TEACHING. My blog post about teaching was always filled with joy and inspiration. I was really genuinely happy doing it and I am grateful that I have taught for 7 years.

2010: 9 entries

This year was about happiness. The previous year it felt like I was searching, this year re-reading my blog gave me a sense of freedom. Freedom to search and explore myself more and I did not fail. It was a very memorable year, a year I learned more about myself, what matters to me, what I enjoy doing and what kept me limited. It was a year of freedom.

Also, 2009 showed me my passion, while 2010 gave me the opportunity to do my passion. This was the year I felt I was doing a good job as a teacher. I realized I did not need to pretend and please my students because I was perfectly fine as I was.

The word that best describes my 2010 is: Strength.

2011: 20 entries

As 2010 gave me freedom, 2011 was its actualization. I did so much during this year and I had time to write about it. It was the year I wrote about travels, about my teaching career, and about the things I wanted to do in my life.

This was the year I created my 101 Things to do in Life.

I wanted to become a travel blogger, but I didn’t know where and how to start, I tried, but I think I failed… miserably. So I stopped it. But it was also this year that I wrote about something I truly cared about and that is the Struggle for Land of the Hacienda Luisita farmers. I was a consular and diplomatic affairs graduate but I didn’t really know their cause. It was during this year I learned about them, knew them and tried to fight for them.

I also wanted to become a children’s storybook writer. So I had my first story written in my blog. I never had the chance to actually write and illustrate it but was able to perform it in an outreach we did for my birthday.

2012: 19 entries

This year was a year of uncertainty. It was during this year that I was on the verge of being unemployed because I didn’t finish my masters degree. A year that would, in my belief, end my passion for teaching. On a lighter side, my blog entries were also about different things or principles that mattered to me about individuality, insecurities, friendship, relationships, and just some random things.

June 2013 (Present):6 entries

Most of my entries at present are about friendship. It is at this year that I have learned a hard lesson about friendship. It was really painful but I think it has done me more good than bad. I learned I don’t need to have a lot of friends, just true ones. I learned to define who my unreal friends are and they are those who are: competitive, cannot be genuinely happy about me and what happens in my life, and pretentious people. For a long time, maybe even up to now, I am hurt by what I realized and what was done to me. Though this hurt is still with me I am on my way to forgive and forget the pain. I have learned to be careful and not to attach myself to much on people.

So, what’s next for me and magicspaceship?

This year, a lot of things will change. Actually, they are already changing. Though they are changing I am welcoming every bit of it. I am actually excited on becoming a wife, a first time mom, and an online-work-at-home professional (?)

My blog has been the witness of my growth. From a naive college student, to a young professional, a teacher and finally to a forever career of being a wife and mother. So from now on the spaceship has landed to motherhood and wife-hood.