I have been wanting to write something about my marriage for quite some time now but did not really get into the groove of writing one. Must have been that I am still learning being just two years into the married life and I feel I don't have as much to share. But lo and behold, you are reading my first marriage related post!;) What a twist right? Thanks to the movie A Second Chance I got my thoughts organized into this post.
I realized in my two years of marriage that we are a team, thus the hashtag I always use which is #TeamTacorda. In a team everyone has a role and function to play, each has their own strength and potentials which are aimed in a single goal for the entire team. I have learned that marriage is not about who will provide or who will make dreams come true but it is how both will journey towards the same dream.
In the movie, it felt like Popoy played by John Lloyd took the entire responsibility to make Basha's, Bea Alonzo, dream house come true. He wanted to be the sole provider, which I think is really what a man should do for their woman. But not to the extent of not including or involving he other person towards the dream. The idea of being a Knight in shining armor or the man of the house cannot at all times be applicable because marriage is about two people sharing one life. It is best to start small or low and work your way up together as a couple or as a family.
I remember, one of my Ninongs in our wedding telling me that they started wih just one furniture that they own as a couple but they worked hard to get to where they are now as a family. Btw, they have their own house and lot plus a car too! What an inspiration, right? The secret I think is that they have formed a team and they worked together as a team to build their lives. Which brings me to my second point.
2. Communication is still the KEY.
For the most part of the movie, I was always commenting "Bakit kasi ayaw nila magusap?". Which is true for most moies and teleseryes ight? They'd always say they want to protect the other person from hurt or pain but isn't that always the reason why relationships go wrong. In any relationship, no one can ever protect them from anything. Even if we try to cover up something, it is still a lie and a deceit. So communication is and will always be a key to a marriage. Talk without secrecy, listen without judgment.
In my marriage, I have a trouble not assuming or thinking of the worst, but most of the time I am wrong. I only get to understand it if we talk and communicate whatever we are thinking and or feeling. It is difficult for a non-expressive person like me but I learned it is the only way any relationship would work.
3. Intentionally make MOMENTS together.
Amidst the business of life, moments together should be intentionally and consciously done or chosen. In the movie, it played an important role when one remembers happy moments and why they cannot live without the person. It is nice to have something, a memory, to hold on to when times are tough or confusing. It is the only thing we have that is more than any fight or any hurtful word can make us leave, because it is what is in our hearts.
One example is how Ms. Maricel Laxa-Pangilininan shares that they have a date night and even their children knows of it. It is both a time to rest, rekindle, and create memories together. It is like a bank where you deposit and then withdraw some when necessary. It is but significant to make sure we save up a lot on the moments bank.
4. Be Realistic
Everyone has a dream, every person wishes something for someone. More so if you are a married couple. We always want what is best for other and at times it can get unrealistic. Like in the movie, where John Lloyd was so focused on getting Bea's Dream House that it was the only thing he wanted to do, except that some of it were unrealistic. Taking as many clients as he wants just to get more money, not allowing his wife to buy anyhing, and all other repression he did all for the dream house.
I also want my dream house. We both want one but at this time it is not yet a possibility, but it is in the future. It can be frustrating at times but we as a couple would always go back to number 1 and remember that we are a team. That together we will have our dream home and whatever we like. It is just right now that we have to work for it and cherish both the good and hard times.
5. Marriage is Hard but it is Worth It.
Marriage is not an easy way out, just because you already marry the person you love is that there will be difficulties anymore. Realistically speaking, there is more problema, more difficulties, more hallenges but if there is any consolation to it, it is the truth that someone is there with you along the way. There will always be someone that will love you regardless and in spite of. Because marriage is hard work, it is going to require each one the strength, understanding, and commitment to make everything worth it.
Just like in the movies, Popoy and Basha had to go through hardships and challenges but they both went back to each other. They went back because it is what is, and what is, is more than worth it.
Being new to this marriage thing, I have more to learn and understand about myself, my hubby, and our marriage. But I am looking forward, and anticipating whatever is ahead of us. Because marriage is a blessing and a promise to my hubby and to God.
Have you watched the movie? Any other lessons you can share with me?;)
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